Etlenda had walked through an archway and had become magically invisible right before Push-ta's orcish eyes. Meanwhile, next door, the rest of the party looked around at the irregularly shaped room. There was a niche in the east wall and the west corner of the south wall, and a long niche - almost a corridor - in the east corner of the south wall.
In the southwest niche were a pile of bones that had been swept into a pile in the corner.
In the southeast niche was a door on the east wall.
In the northeast niche were the desiccated remains of the top half of a tiefling prisoner, suspended by wrist manacles. The remains were missing its legs.
Written on the wall above the skeleton in dried blood were the words:
TALK TO ME
- Winterfrost of House Silverspear - Chaotic Good Moon Elf Noble and Fighter. The daughter of elven diplomats, raised among dwarves.
- Etlenda, aka "Exile" - Neutral Good Eladrin Outlander and Paladin. Exiled from the Feywild and raised by wolves. While exploring the Feydark he crossed over into the Underdark and emerged into the Mortal World.
- Tempus Vegvisir - Lawful Good Human Trade Sheriff and Cleric of Helm. Husband and Father.
- Push-ta Tok - Neutral Half-Orc Former Smuggler and Rogue, secret member of the Zhentarim.
- Kem Hearthfire - Chaotic Good Half-Orc Former Gladiator Priestess of Gond.
Talk to Me
Tempus examined the mummified corpse. He said, "Hello? Can you hear me?"
There was no answer.
He tried again in the Infernal language of demons. Again, no answer.
He shrugged, "Kem, can you by some miracle speak with the dead?"
She shook her head, "I would have to pray. Maybe tomorrow, but not right now."
They moved on.
Headless Statue
They passed through a corridor heading east and entered a rectangular room. The north wall came to a point. A hole in the wall showed evidence of tunneling into the room from outside. Debris lay piled on the floor at the foot of a headless statue of a nude woman.
Spiritual hammers still swirled around her from their recent goblin carnage. She reckoned she had only a few minutes left so they pushed on with no further investigation.
Hall of Many Candles
They entered into a corridor lit by dozens of candles. Each candle was spaced roughly twenty feet apart within recessed niches. Each candle hovered mysteriously and burned without melting wax.
Etlenda noticed that the corridor was scoured clean. There was no dust, no debris, not a single flake or speck.
Three Questions with Halaster
They continued east. They came across an alcove in the north wall. At the back of the alcove was an intricately carved arch. Etched into the frame of the arch were the words, "COME HITHER".
After some trepidation, the party decided to enter. They passed through the north wall and into a strange darkened world with an smooth grey floor that stretched into infinity. Kem's swirling vortex of spiritual hammers was gone. A short distance away was a free-standing wall decorated like the interior of a study complete with burning fireplace. In front of the study was a high-backed leather chair and end table. An elderly man wearing wizard robes sat in the chair reading a large book and smoking a pipe. He looked up as they approached and smiled. He closed the book and motioned for them to approach.
He turned as if addressed an imaginary person in the room, "Well, look who we have here! It's our newest contestants! What a lovely surprise! Come here, come here." He put the book onto the end table and stood up. He positioned the party members as if he were presenting them to his imaginary friend, "Let's give a big Halaster welcome to our latest contestants - the Mystics of Trollskull Manor."
He stood silent for a moment. The silence became awkward and the party was uncertain how to proceed.
"Well," said the old man, "don't just stand there like a boob. Three questions of this lair you can ask; twice will the answer be true, and once false. And be quick about it—the show must go on!"
The party deliberated amongst themselves. While they debated, the old man smiled at his imaginary friend and said, "While we wait, let's have a word from one of our sponsors!"
In the distance, the party heard an announcer recite: "This production of Dungeon of the Mad Mage is brought to you by Texas Beholdem, the multiverse's premiere poker tournament. Tickets are available now! Come for the cards, stay for the eye rays! Live audiences are subject to disintegration rays."
"And now, this week's dungeon profile!"
Each member of the party saw within their mind's eye the visage of a half-ogre astride a wyvern. Over a subterranean harbor they flew while a voice boomed, "Sundeth, the tyrant of Skullport. The Xanathar Guild has ordained his reign and all the Port of Shadow cries out for freedom! Will none stand boldly against this crimson king?"
The vision ended and they once more stood on the featureless plain in front of the old man. The old man, Halaster himself apparently, reiterated the challenge, "Now for those questions?"
DM - I asked the players to give me all three questions so I could pick which one would be a lie.
The party was still debating what to ask and Halaster was becoming frustrated. Kem finally blurted, "Whatever. What's the meaning of life?"
Halaster smiled and answered, "That's easy! It's Knowledge! Always has it been knowledge—for that which exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. Yes, Knowledge. Knowledg and bringing people together for challenge and sport, of course."
"There, was that so hard? You'll get the hang of this yet! You've done well so far, but know this," the old man's face twists into a sneer, "Yer mine. Ye've always been mine since the day ye learnt to crawl. Yer life has led you here. I've led you here."
"The rules o' the game are simple: die, ye lose. Win, ye get yer freedom… and a wish. Anything ye can imagine. And t'win, ye have to reach my lair—twenty-three levels below this delightful madhouse o' mine."
Halaster turned to face his imaginary friend. His voice became that of a stage director's. "The game has been set, the stakes raised. Ladies, gentlemen, fiends and friends: give it up for our contestants on this season of Dungeon of the Mad Mage. Might they brave the horrors of Undermountain and emerge victorious?"
The party heard the sound of applause. A previously invisible audience appeared. The gray floor had transformed into a stage in a playhouse. Everyone in the audience was a version of Halaster. There were hundreds of Halasters clapping and smiling, some booed, some shook their fists, some stood and cheered.
Halaster said, "We'll be right back after this break. Now, a word from our sponsors…"
"Elvish Presley's new album That's the Way It Was is out now! Get your copy of the interplanar rock-sensation's newest collection now!"
Halaster snapped his fingers and the party appeared on their backs in the hallway outside the alcove. The archway was gone, leaving only a bare stone wall.
Backtracking
Since the duration of Kem's spirit hammers was no longer a consideration, the party decided to backtrack through each of the rooms and corridors they had rushed through in order to search for loot and secret doors and so that Kem could fill in the map.DM - Although Kem's player had continued live-mapping, I ruled that they were unable to map while they were in a hurry. So she covered that area of her map with a white square. Now they could go back and fill in the map.
The Automaton Avenger
While the team was searching the room with the dead tiefling, Etlenda and Push-ta were scouting the room to the north. There they heard the sounds of heavy stamping feet approaching from the corridor to the north. They warned the others and prepared for battle.To their surprise a massive ten-foot tall automaton wearing wizard robes appeared in the doorway. The automaton carried a crooked stick in one hand and wore a pointy hat.
The wizard took one look at Push-ta - for Etlenda was still invisible - and declared, "Halt, foul villain! I can tell by your orcine nature that YOU must be responsible for the massacre of the small children in the chambers hence. Prepare for justice, fiend! I am the arcane defender of this realm and I shall dole out mighty judgement upon you!" The automaton wiggled its stick and shouted, "MAGIC MISSILE! Pew! Pew! Pew!"
Nothing happened.
Push-ta stared bewildered, "What?"
Tempus and Winterfrost soon joined them. Kem kept her distance in the other room.
The wizard pointed his stick at the newcomers, "Oh ho! You have summoned more foul companions to your aid! No matter! I shall defeat them post-haste and you shall know the wrath of vengeance! SLEEP! Shhhhh!"
Tempus held out his hands as a sign of peace, "Hey there. We mean you no harm. You seem to be damaged or malfunctioning. Perhaps we can assist you?"
When the sleep spell failed to work, the automaton replied, "You- you are- you are -are-are- magically resistant! I shall be forced-forced-forced to try-try-tray again! I said, SLEEP! Shhhhhh!"
Tempus, Winterfrost, and Push-ta exchanged glances of befuddlement. Tempus continued, "Look, we don't want any trouble."
"Trouble-trrrrrr-ooo-uble is what what you will- RRRRRR -" For a brief moment, the automaton changed stance from casting a spell to a defensive fighting posture. Its head began to vibrate and it made a mechanical noise. Then it returned to a spell-casting posture and once more brandished its "wand", "You have have forced me to call upon-on-on my most pow-pow-powerful magicks! You have been warned! POWER WORD KILL! Pwoo-woo-woo-woo!"
DM - I told Tempus' player that if he succeeded in three Persuasion checks before two failures, he would convince the automaton that it wasn't a wizard. However, the players weren't getting the hint that if that succeeded, it would revert to combat mode and they'd have to fight him. So after two successes, I flat out told the player that it's working, but he should know that if he succeeded it would lead to a fight. If that's what they wanted, fine. But I wanted the player to know that the choice was his to make.
Tempus told the others, "Play along!" He clutched his heart and fell to the ground.
The others followed suit, hamming up their death scene. All save Etlenda, who remained invisible.
DM - I had each of the characters make a Performance skill check.
When everyone lay motionless on the floor, the automaton wizard stood straight, "Excellent. My work here is done! The children have been avenged. The city will know peace tonight!" It turned and stamped off the way it came.
The Shattered Statue
The party waited for the giant automaton to leave. Once they could no longer hear its stamping, they got up and returned to the goblin outpost with the shattered statue. Etlenda - still invisible - stood guard while the others went to work reassembling the shards of the broken statue. Tempus used minor spells to magically mend each broken shard together. After about an hour they had reassembled the statue - it depicted three male human warriors standing together on a stone mound, facing outward and clutching swords.
While their attention was elsewhere, a small creature resembling a brain with legs crawled out from the behind one of the dead bugbears and attached itself to Tempus' head!
Etlenda spotted another one scuttling away from the other dead bugbear towards the party. Etlenda killed it quickly with his sword.
Tempus managed to throw the other brain-creature off his had onto the floor where it was quickly dispatched by the rest of the party.
Stirges
Having rested, the party retraced their steps down the southern corridor. On the way, Winterfrost stepped through the archway and became invisible.
As Push-ta opened the door into the room containing the tiefling skeleton, there came a sound of bat wings flapping. Small flying beasts covered with quills darted through the air towards them.
"Stirges!" shouted Etlenda.
Kem Hearthfire reacted quickly with a prayer to Gond. She was surrounded by a votex of mystical hammers which quickly destroyed all the stirges. Unfortunately, Kem couldn't see the invisible Winterfrost and the hammers pummeled the elven fighter.
Winterfrost fled the vortex, cursing. Kem, realizing what she had done, called after her, "Sorry! Couldn't see you!"
Return to the Headless Statue
The party returned to the chamber with the headless statue. Push-ta was elected to explore the small tunnel. It was a tight fit, requiring him to crawl on his hands and knees through the winding burrow.
Suddenly two brain-creatures jumped out and attacked him!
One brain creature managed to latch onto his face and began to magically feed on Push-ta's mind. Push-ta collapsed, dead.
After a beat, Push-ta came back to life with a deep inhalation. He screamed, removed the brain-things from his face, and crawled out of the tunnel on the far side. He was in a long wide corridor going north. He barely had enough time to shout a warning to his companions on the other side of the burrow before he fled as fast as he could to the north. One of the brain creatures was hot on his tail!
DM - Push-ta took a lot of damage from the surprise attack and lost his saving throw vs. the Devour Intellect attack. Luckily, my 3d6 roll was less than Push-ta's Intelligence. However, I did drop Push-ta below zero hit points. Push-ta's half-orc Relentless Endurance ability. Push-ta had 1 hit point instead, got up, and ran for his life using the Dash action, plus another Dash as a bonus action. He was hauling ass at 90 feet per round, being chased by an Intellect Devourer at 80 feet per round.
The other creature hid itself within the burrow, waiting for new prey.
Kem, still surrounded by spiritual hammers, crawled in first, followed by Tempus and Etlenda. Winterfrost remained behind, out of range of the vortex. Etlenda's holy war-wolf, too large to fit into the small burrow, likewise waited in the statue room.
Kem was immediately attacked by the brain-beast. The others were unable to crawl past her through the narrow tunnel to help her. However, upon receiving a pummeling from Kem's spiritual hammers, the brain-beast turned and fled out the far end of the tunnel. She and the others followed it.
Push-ta, meanwhile, had fled down the hall of mirrors and down the corridor to the south. The brain creature, unable to keep up, abandoned its chase.
Push-ta ran into the automaton wizard apprentice. The automaton turned and challenged Push-ta. Push-ta could not run past the massive machine. Push-ta said, "I don't have time for this!" He took the side corridor through the room with the goblin marionettes and emerged from another side passage on the other side of the automaton.
Kem, Tempus, and Etlenda emerged from the burrow. Tempus and Etlenda chased the fleeing brain creature to the north into the forest of pillars. Tempus followed the brain creature half-way back to the entrance shaft into Undermountain before he lost it.
Push-ta circled all the way back around to the room with the headless statue. On his way back, he stopped off at the archway. He emerged invisible!
Etlenda could detect Push-ta's scent through the mystic bond with his war-wolf. "Push-ta is back. Let's withdraw."
The party gave up their hunt for the brain creatures and rejoined Push-ta.
"Let's not do that again," said the panting half-orc.
DM - the whole chase scene was just hilarious to me. I decided to play some goofy music which amped up the hilarity of the encounter. It was so much fun for me as the DM.
Map Room
The party continued east, past the alcove where they met Halaster, and down a corridor to the south. They entered through a large door into a long room. A gaping pit lay in the floor in the middle of the room. On the west wall was a large floor-to-ceiling diagram of what appeared to be the levels of Undermountain beneath Waterdeep.
A voice called out to them from the pit. The voice asked for their help, requesting they throw down a rope. The party stood at the edge of the pit and looked down. A half-elf man dressed in tatters was trapped at the bottom, twenty feet from the lip. The walls were too smooth to climb.
The party questioned the man. His name was Halleth Garke, a priest of Waukeen - a deity of which even Tempus knew little. The man said he had been betrayed by his companions - the Fine Fellows of Daggerford - and thrown into this pit when they refused to pay him his fair share of collected loot. He now asked for their assistance in leaving the pit so that he could seek his former colleagues and deliver righteous vengeance upon them.
The party huddled away from the pit. Etlenda shared that he could sense that the thing in the pit was undead. Tempus shared what he knew about the Fine Fellows of Daggerford - a group of villains he had been personally tasked with either apprehending dead or alive. Tempus deduced that the thing in the pit was likely a revenant, animated by the god Waukeen to seek holy vengeance. After a brief discussion on the pros and cons of assisting the revenant, they decided to leave Garke in the pit.
Kem, meanwhile, took the opportunity to copy what she could of the diagram on the wall.
Obelisk of the Eye
The group exited the map room to the northeast. The corridor zigged to the northwest then zagged to the northeast. Push-ta, still invisible, scouted ahead while the others waited for his signal.
Push-ta explored a complex junction of corridors with a T-shaped room to the north. Within the room was a 14-foot tall obelisk made of black stone. A lidless eye was caved onto its south face.
To the west where several corridors joined he saw several goblins using up-turned tables as makeshift barricades against an unseen threat in a burrow along the far west wall of the corridor.
Push-ta returned to the others and informed them of what he saw. They moved up towards the complex intersection to watch the goblins - wary for what they might be preparing.
One of the goblins heard Winterfrost in her heavy armor. It turned and saw her, calling out an alarm. It spun around and loosed an arrow at Winterfrost, followed quickly by its companions.
DM - After last week's goblin carnage, the players this week were more circumspect in their assaults. Several of the characters had a surprise round on the goblins. Instead of a sneak attack, they chose to use their surprise round for a Dodge action. They allowed the goblins to make the first attacks before they retaliated.
The party dodged the arrows and joined the goblins in battle. One of the goblins fled the battle to gather reinforcements from other rooms. Tempus gave chase, following the goblin around a long curving corridor to the north, east, and south.
A moment later, a door opened in the west wall. A bugbear stood in the doorway - its face heavily scarred with acid. It took one look at the party and bellowed, "I knew it! YOU PEOPLE!"
Kem, at the rear of the party and closest to the bugbear, turned but failed to recognize the bugbear, "Excuse me? Do we know you?"
"You bloody Zhents!" He shouted, pointing at his scarred face, "You did this to me! You kidnap Ott Steeltoes, the master's fishkeeper! We stop you, but you did THIS!"
Winterfrost, on the other side of the room, turned to see what was happening, "Oh yeah! It's you!"
Kem was confused, "Did I do that? I don't remember him. Was I there for that fight?"
Winterfrost laughed, "No, I did that with an acid spell." She addressed the bugbear, "Hey! We didn't kidnap that guy! We rescued him! We did a better job than you did! Also, we're not zhents you idiot!"
The bugbear became furious, "DON'T CARE! YOU DID THIS! I KILL YOU!" It threw a javelin at Kem and missed. Etlenda charged the bugbear, cutting him down.
Meanwhile, Tempus emerged from the curved corridor into an L-shaped room just west of the battle. It appeared empty. He could hear fighting and shouting in the other room through the open door to the east.
Suddenly he was set upon by four goblins! The goblins cut and slashed at him before scurrying away in different directions. He cursed his judgement and followed two of the goblins around the corner of the L-shaped room, only to be jumped by a bugbear!
He managed to dodge the bugbear's attack but the four goblins once again converged on him, attacked, then retreated in multiple directions. He staggered under the attacks.
Etlenda, having finished off the acid-scarred bugbear, charged his war-wolf into the bugbear attacking Tempus. The bugbear retreated around a corner to the corridor to the south.
Etlenda followed, only to be caught off guard as the same bugbear burst out of hiding, crushing Etlenda with its morningstar. Etlenda staggered but was bolstered by Tempus.
Winterfrost, Push-ta, and Kem took care of the rest of the goblins while Etlenda and Tempus defeated the bugbear in the corridor.
Etlenda saw a single goblin flee to the south, doing its best to scurry along the edge where the floor met the wall like a child-size rat. Etlenda and Tempus gave chase, following the goblin into the map room where they lost it.
However, at the back of the map room, on the southern wall, they caught the last glimpse of a secret door closing shut. The goblin had gotten away!
They ignored the continued requests for assistance from the revenant in the pit, now threatening them with vengeance for not lending him the basic aid that he deserves, and returned to the obelisk room to rejoin the others.
The acid-scarred bugbear lay on the ground, dying. Blood and spittle bubbled weakly from its mouth as he cursed them with his dying breath, "You- have made- a terrible- mistake. No one- takes on- Xanathar's guild- and lives. You have just- made a- dangerous enemy."
As his life began to ebb. Tempus leaned near him and held out a finger. He said a prayer of healing. The bugbear's bleeding stopped. It was unconscious but it would live.
Tempus whispered, "You're welcome."
To Be Continued...
DM - I had a lot of fun this week. My players were genuinely afraid at times and felt challenged. The intellect devourers in the tunnel was fun.
Etlenda's player said, "He's only using the intellect devourers because he realized he forgot to use them last week. Tell me I'm wrong!"
I said, "Mebbee?"
The goblin+bugbear fight was likewise fun. I finally got to use goblins for what they're good at - hit and run, hide and ambush. It was great. The players were frustrated but felt challenged and had fun.
We'll see where they go next week.
